Tuesday, 4 December 2018

Update 4th December 2018

Hi All

I have been a bit lacking on this updating lark...I do love writing still but I have had so much stuff going on that I have struggled to really sit down with my laptop. I am generally burned out by the end of the day so I generally go to bed. Come 9pm when boys are in bed then I don't want to do anything at all. :)

But tonight I sat and wrote a few chapters of my book, I updated my Twitter Feed which I haven't done in so so long and so, as I was on a roll, figured that I should update here too.

Not a lot has happened really, I have had a busy few months. I have just got back from a fantastic weekend away with my beautiful Best Friend, Claire. We went to Edinburgh and it was amazing. Definately somewhere I will look at going next year with the boys. Edinburgh is the only place where they house the UK's only pandas and as Oliver is a big lover of the black and white, bamboo munching bears then we figured it would be a good excuse to take the boys away...that is coming up next year.

The past few months have flew by and I am not really sure what I did with them if I am completely honest. I have been steadily progressing on my GCSE Maths course. I have hummed and ahhed about my career and where I want to be and where. I have stressed my little noggin out about it all. I am torn between a few different career paths and yet if I am honest I want to do them all...but I know that isn't possible. I would love to be a midwife; but I think about the time I will have to be away from the boys, so I have been soul searching. I would love to do that job and go through the training but the boys lives have been affected so much over the past 2 years, I really don't want to be away from them. Being a midwife will be demanding, as I am expecting it to be....I wouldn't expect anything else, but I am not sure whether I can justify doing it when the boys are still so young. I know people do go on and do it with kids, but I want to be here more, not less. So, I have been looking at what else I can do that I would enjoy. Sure, I love writing, but how likely is it that I can make money from it....even if I did make some money from it, then it would never been enough. I cant stay in my job forever, I am starting to feel less and less like myself the more time I spend there. It just isn't the same anymore; there is no progression. I have been stuck in the same role for 13 years and I always feel like I am never fully appreciated for the work that I do. So I want something else before I get bitter, I am generally smiley and happy but once I sit on my seat at work then I feel the life drain out of me. Does that sound melodramatic? Well....its as close to the truth as possible.

So, what can I do that might make me happy....I have always liked the thought of working with children, always liked the thought of working in a school, so I have been looking at teaching assistant roles. Doing a teaching assistant role would suit the boys so much more; I would have the holidays off with them and I could work with lots of little people. If I end up liking it; or loving it, then I can look at becoming a qualified early years teacher. If I hate it and decide that its not for me, then I still have plenty of time to go back to Plan A. I am not settling really....its just a case of finding something that suits the boys and Stew. If it means me sacrificing what I want to do and doing something that is maybe not at the top of my list, then I will do. I actually feel excited about it at the moment. I have enquired about apprenticeship schemes, which yes...I wouldn't be getting the same pay I get now, but it would be so much better for me to have all of the same holidays with the boys. And I feel like I could actually be a good teaching assistant - I mean, I am a bit of a kid at heart myself ;)

Hopefully my next update will be closer to me saying that I am doing more of what I want to do....